your grip on reality,

your struggles to get out of bed each morning

all that time spent dwelling on the past

it can't be healthy

different ways conversations could have gone,

words forever left unspoken

missing the closeness of a person 

who always stood by your side

who somehow made everything feel alright

imagining, daydreaming, wasting your energy

feeling like only a quarter of yourself is truly living

confused, terrified, lost

feeling out of place and out of touch with reality

pulling away, closing off, building walls around yourself

you want to call out but something stops you every goddamn time