I don’t want to say goodbye

another hundred times

I don’t want to cry

at four more parties, 

and eleven more events

I want to save myself the trouble that I’ll cause

I want to prevent myself from feeling the pain that loving you will lead to

Tell me it’s inevitable,

tell me I have to live and let death lurk in the shadows

I’ll respond with shrugs and closed eyes

I’m too scared this time

to wrap my arms around someone I know I’ll have to let go of

This is me being strong

The circle on my calendar

is becoming unbearable